It comes to a point where staying silent and keeping things to myself seems to work better.
Even if my heart aches everyday knowing that I don't have the power to change things. Even if I have to hide myself in the toilet to shed some tears. Even if I am not okay and had to put on a fake smile. Guess all that doesn't quite matter cos it makes others happy.
Sometimes I just wish he can understand me better. Its sad that I finally grew tired of explaining myself. Cos every thing that I have to say is either wrong or I have to understand. Its always me trying to understand this and that.
But when will he ever understand me? Even if he doesn't, why can't he just sacrifice a little to make me happy? Why does he rather make me suffer emotionally as long as he is happy than sacrificing his ego and just make me happy?
Why cant he just agree to bringing forward the nikah date and make me feel happy and calm and peaceful? Why does it has to be his way JUST because he thinks it is easier and JUST because he is just too afraid of other people's comment?
I just feel like theres no point of me expressing my feelings anymore cos every single thing that I say will never come into consideration. Even if I say I dont like him doing this or that, nothing will ever change cos I HAVE TO ACCEPT IT no matter what. It feels like I am forced to like everything that he does. And though it hurts everyday, guess I just have to swallow it and pretend that I am okay.
All I wanted was to feel happy.
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